Warped In
by Ayumi-chan27
Summary: What's a girl gonna do when she's reincarnated as Ino Yamanaka?
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto/Naruto SHIPPUDEN, its franchise, merchandise or anything associated with it. _**

Prologue:

* * *

I'm floating in some sort of oblivion. It's just darkness, no light whatsoever; yet I can't help but notice I feel...hollow.

Eh, soulless, empty, vacant, cored; whatever you want to describe it as.

I feel dead.

Probably am, I did see that motherfucking car ram into me and my blood spill across the hood; but I don't know, I was kinda expecting something...maybe God or you know... the supposed "white light"? Hell, I'd even accept the Grimm Reaper.

But no, I'm stuck in a fucking black hole.

Is this like a limbo dimension between Hell and Heaven? I wasn't that much of a sinner...

Scratch that. But you know; I was kind of looking forward to meeting all my stuffed animals my mom had mercilessly slaughtered. There were so many souls taken that day...R.I.P Snookie the Panda. I miss you sweetie. Oh, and let's not forget Frederick the Hippo.

He was quite the charmer.

Let me stop my senseless rambling to inform you how this sweet, amazing, young woman died.

Ok, this kick-ass girl is walking from her high school, since she missed her bus due to the fact her bitch of teacher, Mr. Charleston (who she firmly believes is a homosexual child molester) held her back for supposedly "flipping him off".

I mean c'mon, what else was I supposed to do? Let him continually undress my friend Garrett with his goddamn eyes? No. So I calmly flip him off and ask him to politely fuck off. But no, Mr. 20-foot-pole-shoved-up-my-ass had to go and report me.

Real smooth, Mr. Charleston, real smooth.

Anyway, after I calmly and politely tell him I honestly don't really give one, I walked out of the hell-hole he called his classroom.

Only to die five minutes later.

I swear, I swear to God or whatever politically correct universal figure you believe in that there were no cars whatsoever on the road. I swear.

Nothing. The street was bare and no cars to be seen. Hell, I even checked left and right, something I promised that I'd do to Elmo ten years ago.

So I walk calmly down the street; thinking solely about all the anime I was going to watch when I got home, when a motherfucking car comes from nowhere and is speeding down this street, like only five seconds from where my body was. I could tell the fucker driving the car was attempting to stop, the keyword being "_attempting_" but the car was too fast.

It hit me.

Nice going Elmo.

To be honest, the only thought going through my head was that I was probably never going to eat that last slice of chocolate cake buried deep inside my fridge or finish the latest episode of Naruto Shippuden.

Hey, call me a lazy fat-ass but I gotta live life you know? The only other thing I thought before falling was probably that I never got to Sparta-kick my older brother. But then I thought _'Probably gonna see him Hell anyway.' _ So I most likely went down with a sadistic grin due to the fact I spent my last two minutes in this world dreaming about what The Devil would do to him.

Good ol' me.

So I'm falling down dramatically-even though I probably ruined the moment by screaming my ass off-when the bitch driving the car decides to drive off, leaving me there dying and drowning in my blood.

When I find this fucktard I'm gonna make him wish he never drove down that street.

I'm just lying there, screaming for help when guess who decides to show up ?

Mr. Charleston; Bitch Number 2.

He's running towards me and I hear an ambulance in the background, rushing towards us. He looks down at me; and I swear, he actually looked worried, the usual arrogant smirk gone. Like he was actually sincere. Then the bitch leans down and whispers:

"I'm so sorry, Natasha. I called 911; their coming right now. Don't worry; I saw from the window and got the car's License Plate."

I knew it. I knew from day one in this fuckers class that he hated me with passion. He always picked on me and I really never reacted; always just assuming that he just hated me; so I guess one I finally stood up against him, I guess his top finally blew.

So him watching me die from his window. Eh, it wasn't too much of suprise, but a little part of me thought he would only go far as to torture me mentally; but you know, with his beady slitted dark rat eyes and black long hair, I guess he could fit into the role of a a heartless soul.

Meh.

Sorry to burst your bubbles kids, but there sure wasn't any "white lights" or my sweet old dead Grandma to greet me at the end of some tunnel.

Contrary to all the reincarnation fics I've read; I was just consumed by darkness. No sweet, warm lights and the tingling sensation. The last thing I saw was my Mum's frantic face before the darkness swallowed me up.

Yeah, so now I'm just floating around in some fucking cave, with nothing to do but regret not eating the cake before dying and cursing Mr. Charleston to the deepest pits of Hell for not rushing out there and shielding me from death.

Pretty mundane.

The only thing to look at is this white hole in the midst of the all this black, growing larger by the second.

_'Holy fuck' _was all I could think before the darkness shattered leaving me to fall into some endless warp-hole before I fell unconscious.

::::********::::

I woke up some time later, expecting either God and his army of angels or Satan himself, with his trident ready to send me down to the deepest fiery pit of Hell.

I wouldn't really be suprised with either.

But when I finally opened my eyes, I was greeted with a pale blue wall.

_'Dafuq?' _Was the only intelligent thing I could think as I looked around the room.

Pale blue walls with painted purple violets as decoration, wooden floor, a desk covered in pictures of some pink-haired girl with a blond; a purple carpet, a plushie of some raven-haired kid that looked oddly familiar, a mirror and a bed in the far corner of the room.

I decided to just sit there; maybe wait for St. Peter to walk in and direct me to the gates of Heaven. Maybe this was just a waiting room.

I nearly had heart attack when knocks were initiated on the door.

I frowned; how the hell did I have a heart beat?

"Hana-chan, its time for breakfast!" A feminine voice called out from behind the door.

"Its your favorite; chocolate chip pancakes!" It rang out again.

I grinned - maybe this was Heaven and she was my mom. But who the hell was "Hana-chan"? I stumbled over the bed when I realized something. Why was the floor so close?

I looked down only to see something more horrifying.

My chest.

Where the fuck were my babies? They were the only thing I was proud of and now...they-they were gone! I suppressed my sudden wave of grief and ran my hand loosely through my hair.

I paused. Since was my hair short and silky? It always took me years to get a fucking comb to the bottom of the dark, tangled forest I called my hair; but now it was...beautiful. I lifted a strand only to see something even more shocking.

My hair was blond. Not only-a-few-strands-so-you-can-barely-see-it blond but full on blond.

I raced to the mirror; only to be met with the face and body of the six-year old Yamanaka Ino; one of the main protagonists from my favorite anime Naruto.

I gasped as I realized my skin was white. Not the coffee-colored skin that I was used to but white; I was was a blond and I was in some kind of Anime World/Dimension.

I looked into the mirror again only to be met with brilliant blue eyes, platinum blond hair, pale skin and worst of all...a flat chest.

So I did what I did best; screamed before promptly fainting and hitting the hard wooden floor.

::::***:::::

My name is Natasha; a deceased 16 year old reincarnated as a six-year old Yamanaka Ino and this is my story.

::::****:::::

**_A_****_uthor's Note: This is my first fic, I'll try to be original as possible; but leave a review and tell me what you think._**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto/Naruto SHIPPUDEN, its franchise, merchandise or anything associated with it. _**

Chapter 2:

* * *

I woke up only to find that ice pack was covering my forehead and a man was peering down at me, his blue eyes filled with worry. He looked delighted when I peered up at him.

"Ino-chan! I was so worried about you!" he told me.

The man picked me up, deftly spinning me around; before marching to the table set up in the kitchen where a brunette woman was waiting.

"Hey honey." The woman whispered to him before turning to me.

She smiled, a slight crease wrinkling her cheeks as she looked at me.

"Good Morning, Hana-chan!" She told me before turning back to the pancakes on the pan.

It was time for the ultimate test.

The acting skills.

"G-good morning, Mom, Dad." I said fondly before folding my hands on the table; a smile plastered on my face. The man dropped his coffee in shock as he gazed at me. I felt the woman's eyes on me too.

_'Fuck.'_

I face-palmed myself. I was Ino; for God's sake; not little shy Hinata! Ino was a popular outspoken girl; not some gentle sap!

"Are you feeling okay, Hana-chan?" The mother asked me; coming over to feel my temperature. I nodded quickly.

It was time to fill in the role of a blunt and self-absorbed six-year old Yamanaka Ino.

I leaned back in my chair; knocking away the woman's hand.

"Sheesh, mom! Your sweaty hands will just make acne pop out of my forehead! I need to keep beautiful and stylish, you know!" I said; a scowl painted on my face.

I mentally grinned as I felt the woman relax and the man beam while walking over to the sink; his hands full of broken glass.

"She's right Honey. Tomorrow's her first day at the academy and my baby girl has to be fresh and ready!" He said gliding towards me to sweep me into a large hug. I suppressed a shudder. It would take a long time to get used to all the touchy-feely habits of this family.

I watched the mother frown at the corner of my eyes but quickly dismissed it as I looked down at the stack of pancakes she had just served us. I quickly grabbed a plate just as she sat down and took more than half.

Dying had really taken a toll on my stomach.

I stuffed my face hungrily; noticing a scowl on the mothers face.

_'Ok, Bitch much?'_

I'm might have been thinking rudely; but I had literally zero-tolerance for bitchiness.

The dad must have noticed the glaring contest between her and the back of my head because he quickly ate the last of his pancakes before excusing himself and the woman for a "quick chat" in their room, securing the door behind them.

I narrowed my eyes. The talk was probably about a certain blond Yamanaka Ino; so I tiptoed and placed my ear against the door and eavesdropped.

From what I could gather, the mom apparently wanted me to stay home and become a "regal lady" while the dad, wanted me to become a ninja.

Oh Hells to The Fucking No. I did not spend my whole friggin life in school just to die, and be reincarnated into some motherfucking "regal lady".

I was going to become a kick-ass ninja no matter what.

I tilted my ear, only to notice the woman was now giggling while the man was whispering. I strained my poor ear only to hear...

"...…go wild, _baby_." I ran from the door, utterly horrified. Ugh, they were already geezers and yet...

Ugh.

I ran to my "supposed" room and whipped on a purple t-shirt, black shorts and custom sandals. I pulled back the short blond hair with the berrets on the table and ran out of house only stopping to tell the two horny geezers where I was going.

The Great Konoha Hokage Monument.

The only place that could confirm my sanity.

::::***::::

I ran like the wind, enjoying the fact my new body -which totally made me sound like a freak- had agility and speed, not the usual fat-ass thighs I was used to lug around.

Hey, I wasn't fat in my previous life -thank God for high metabolism- but I sure as hell wasn't athletic. I stumbled up the stairs, forgetting I now had short stout legs that weren't able to cover large spaces yet.

Fuck my life.

Scratch that; Fuck my death would be more appropriate.

I gazed up, only to be met with the sight of four faces carved into the mountain.

I barely suppressed a crazy fangirlish scream. I was really in the Narutoverse!

The six year old part of me giggled, wondering about what was in the noses of the Hokages; their poker faces unnerving me.

Or maybe I don't have a six-year old mentality and I'm just really, really, immature.

Both reasons were probable.

I peered closer only to notice something orange and blue was painting graffiti on the faces. It was Naruto Uzumaki, the main character.

I nearly screamed with joy. I, literally the awkwardest person ever, will actually able to meet the Naruto characters!

I bit my lip as I watched him get chased down the road by a couple of chuunin. I wanted to hang out with Naruto; but Ino's relationship with Naruto was harsh and judgmental.

I watched as he was pulled by the ear all the way to The Hokage's office, him yelling his ass off all the way.

I shook my head nervously as I realized being nice to him would mess up the story plot.

But then again, was I going to live my whole life playing out an act?

What if?

What if I could just change things to my advantage? I giggled darkly. I could do everything; from preventing deaths, causing deaths or...best of all, making my OTP canon.

_'Fuck yes!'_

I could even make Ino and Sakura become friends again or make Ino even more powerful!

I grinned. I had figured out my purpose in my new life.

I was going to live my life to it's fullest potential, big time.

* * *

_Author's Note: Leave a review and tell me what you think! (=^_^=)_


	3. Chapter 3

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto/Naruto SHIPPUDEN, its franchise, merchandise or anything associated with it. _**

Chapter 3:

I skipped all the way back to my "house", humming cheerfully. I didn't meet any characters yet -Naruto had mysteriously dissapeared- but tomorrow was my first day at the Academy; meaning I'd see them all.

Including Hinata, Sakura and Tenten.

_'Hells yeah!'_

I barely suppressed my crazy scream again as I approached my house.

My house?

I frowned. I was getting really familiar with this life. What if every time I got more comfortable with this life, I'd lose my former memories?

Fuck no. I needed the information. How else was I going to make my OTP canon? Or prevent deaths?

I shook my head to clear out my thoughts as I reached my destination. I stepped in: pretending to ignore my parents making out in the corner.

My parents?

Ugh, might as well just fit into the role.

I leaped onto a sofa, mentally giggling at how they blushed and sputtered their apologizes.

Ah, adults and their typical behavior.

I tilted my cute little head, narrowed my blue eyes and managed out a:

"Yeah, for closing the door on me!" I pouted. My mom smiled at me, probably at my supposed six-year old innocence. She kissed the top of my head and waved goodbye at us before heading out, probably to manage the flower shop.

Which left me and Poppa Bear.

Le sigh.

I've just realized that I live with a mind-reader.

I looked up at him, internally searching him for any signs he knew who I really was.

Natasha Forestts, the deceased 16 year old.

Meh, he looked pretty relaxed; just sitting down on the recliner, reading a newspaper.

Pretty goddamn mundane if you asked me. Wasn't a ninja's life supposed to be action-filled?

I yawned as sudden exhaustion racked my small body; my eyelids drooping.

I yawned again, catching the attention of Inoichi.

"Hey Hana-chii, if you're sleepy still, you can take a nap, but it's only 12 in the morning, okay sweetie? Tell me if you need anything." He said; never turning away from his dear newspaper.

I nodded, dragging my dead-tired body up the stairs and plopped onto the bed, not bothering to turn off the lights.

I fell asleep immediately.

Yeah, death had really taken a toll on me.

::::***::::

I had apparently slept through out the whole night, because when I woke up, orange sun rays were peering through the window, effectively waking me up.

I looked around until I spotted it.

The mirror.

I raced to it mentally praying to still be Ino just to meet the characters. I JUST HAD TO MEET HINATA OR ONE OF THE KONOHA KUNOICHI. I just had to.

I praised The Lord when I was met with the face of the blond Yamanaka whose body I was currently occupying. Which again, made me sound like a freak.

I walked down the stairs, briefly colliding into my Mother.

She smiled, handing me a black bag.

"Go take this into the bathroom. M'kay, Ino-chii? Tell me how you like it."

She told me; pointing briefly at a door before walking back to the kitchen.

I glanced worriedly at the black bag as I hurried towards the bathroom and opened the door.

I unzipped the bag slowly and cautiously. What if she actually hated me dearly and wanted me to die, there fore casting a jutsu on a puppet to kill me immediately? What if the puppet was in the bag right now, waiting for the moment to kill me with one pull of a string from Mama Bear?

I sweat-dropped as I realized it was just an outfit. I pulled it on, admiring how the mesh tank top fit me perfectly and how the purple shorts would conceal any dirt spots I would cause. Complete with a violet pin in my hair, two silver bracelets and the usual blue nin sandals, the outfit was perfect!

Fiercely brushing my teeth and washing my face, I wondered how my real family back home was doing.

_'Hopefully, they're finding that fucktard.' _I angrily thought; remembering the bitch who had killed me.

I skipped down stairs, eagerly eating the breakfast served; bacon and eggs, before waving goodbye and running out of the house.

I was so fucking psyched. I was actually going to meet the...the Naruto Characters.

_'Hells yeah!'_

::::***::::

I groaned as I realized I had passed this store at least fifteen times already.

Fucking hell. In all my excitement I had forgotten to ask for directions to the Academy.

I approached a man sitting on his porch warily, praying to God he wasn't some pedophile.

'_Or a rapist or a kidnapper!' _

Ignoring these thoughts, I took my chances and walked towards the man.

"Erm, do you know the way to the Academy?" I asked, scratching my head sheepishly.

The man spat; frowning at me with all of his ugly-ass teeth showing.

"Don't no why they even bother to make new ninjas. The 'cademy is over 'dere, little girl. Best hurry, they've already started!" He smirked; picking something out of his ear.

'_Fuuuuck, that was disgusting!'_

I ran top-speed towards the Academy, mentally cursing the man.

He was officially Bitch No. 3

…...…

**_Authors Note: Leave a review! :D_**


	4. Chapter 4

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto/Naruto SHIPPUDEN, its franchise, merchandise or anything associated with it. _**

Chapter 4:

I ran frantically through the building; ignoring the calls of a few girls scattered throughout the hallway.

I burst into the classroom, probably panting like a fucking dog. I looked up, pointing a finger at the tall figure teaching near the front.

"I'm...not...t-that...late, am I?" I panted out, watching as the figure came towards me. It looked down at me, briefly asking:

"Name?"

I rolled my eyes in utter annoyance. Here I am, my poor heart about to burst out of my fucking chest, my flat chest, may I add and the..the sensei asks my name.

As if I'm some fucking stranger coming to Konoha.

_'Meh, now that I think of it, I pretty much am stranger entering Konoha illegally.'_

I looked up at the figure, narrowing my eyes at the large figure in front of me.

I could literally FEEL the gazes of all the kids on me.

Fucking awkward.

"My name is Ino, Yamanaka Ino! Breathe it, live it and love it!" I shouted, directing my voice towards the whole class.

I could also hear the snickers around the room.

I was probably ruining my rep for good, but without the typical society and my real mother holding me down, I was finally free to do what I ever I wanted.

Hehehe.

The figure in front of me moved slightly and looked up, only to be met with the face of Umino Iruka.

I barely paid attention as he introduced himself as my new sensei and kneeled down next to me, asking if I had any questions.

I mentally squealed as I "accidentally" brushed against him. It was an actual character! Sure, he wasn't one of the main characters, but hey, it was a start!

So I decided to ask him the only question my fangirl-ish mind could produce.

"Ne, Iruka-sensei, can I touch your face?"

::::***::::

Iruka looked down at the small blond girl below him. He hadn't seen her around yesterday during the Open House.

Just who the hell was she?

"Name?" He gruffly asked.

He watched in amusement as she gave an introduction not different from Naruto's.

_'A Yamanaka, eh?'_

He kneeled down next to the small blond girl.

"Any questions, Ino-san?" He asked her briefly after introducing himself.

He opened his mouth in suprise when she asked him her question.

"Ne, Iruka-sensei, can I touch your face?"

::::***::::

I literally screamed when he pointed me towards a seat next to Hinata.

She was just so goddamn adorable!

I watched as she concentrated her pale gaze on Iruka, who was teaching some us some shitty technique; concealing chakra and some facts about the Hokages.

Wait, did I even have chakra? What if I had Ino's body -again, made me sound like some freak- but not her inner body network?

I would be like...like...Lee! No ninjutsu or genjutsu, just tai jutsu.

No kick-ass jutsus or cool illusions.

Which meant I'd have to train this ass off even harder.

Le groan.

There was only one person who could help me now.

Bunny-cha- I mean, Hinata. The Byakugan wielder.

I lightly tapped her on the shoulder, literally melting when she turned her attention towards me, her cute little face all red.

Heh. Just like the anime.

I leaned towards her, my eyes wide.

"Hey, Bunny-cha-, I mean, Hina-chan-"

I was interrupted by two pieces of chalk hitting us both square in the forehead and giggles errupting from the class.

"Girls! I expect you know this; unless you want me to notify Hiashi-sama, Hinata. Or Inoichi in Ino's case." Iruka called from the from the front.

I looked back towards Hinata who was blushing furiously and cowering under the gazes of all the fucktards who were laughing.

I glared. There was no fucking way I was gonna let them do this to my Bunny-chan.

It was time to bluff.

"I do know this stuff!" I yelled from the back.

"Well then Miss Yamanaka, who was the second Hokage, who was he appointed by and why?"

I could feel his smirk.

But I didn't watch literally 300 episodes in one fucking night for nothing, bitch.

Time to channel inner fangirl.

"I totally know this. Tobirama Senju was the Nidaime Hokage, he was appointed by his brother, Shodai Hokage, Hashirama Senju because he used to be the Shodai's advisor and was the co-founder of Konoha; making him the most eligible person for the role."

How I love my inner fangirl habit of retaining important information.

I smirked at all the suprised gazes I was getting.

"That's right, beeyotches. Worship me."

Another piece of chalk hit me.

"Ino! I do not want to hear you use another word like that, unless you want to join Naruto outside!"

I mentally giggled. I would finally meet Naruto!

"What word, sensei?" I prompted.

"You know what I'm talking about."

I smirked and put on my innocent face.

"What, beeyotches?"

"INO! Outside, right now missy!"

I walked down the aisle slowly, provoking Iruka further.

Heh. He was too easy.

I skipped down the rest of the way only stopping at the door to wave back at Hinata.

"Ja ne, Bunny-chan!"

::::***::::

_Author's Note: Sorry if this is a little short! Leave a review! (^_^)_

_Thanks to my beta; Shadowmage97, and all my reviewers!_


	5. Chapter 5

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto/Naruto SHIPPUDEN, its franchise, merchandise or anything associated with it. _**

Chapter 5:

Naruto stared up at the blue sky. He felt a tear streak down his cheek as he pushed himself on the swing.

_'Why does everyone hate me?'_

He swung faster as he realized someone was coming towards him.

_'Gah, it's probably one of Sasuke's fangirls trying to beat me up again...'_

"HEY YOU!" The person yelled as they came closer. Naruto closed his eyes waiting for the pain.

Something warm jumped on him.

His eyes snapped open as he realized a person, _a girl _was touching; actually sitting on him, without running away.

The girl turned towards him and squealed.

"Oh my god, you're so fucking cute!" She exclaimed.

Naruto gaped at her.

She just called him cute.

_**A girl just called him cute.**_

"Wha- d-did you j-j-just call me cute?"

"No shit Sherlock. Of course I called you cute!"

_'Sherlock?'_

_"ASDFGHJKL. _I cannot hold in all these feels!" The girl continued. "In the anime you looked okay, but daaaa-yum boy you look fine here!"

Naruto finally gathered up his courage to talk again.

"Anime? What are you talking about?"

The girl barely paid attention to him.

"...and your whiskers! They are so adorable, kitty-chan!"

Naruto whipped his head around.

"KITTY-CHAN?!"

"Umm, yeah! Unless I should call you wifey..."

"N-NO! YOU CAN'T CALL ME EITHER!"

"Technically I can, bitch."

"BITCH?! WHY BITCH?"

The girl suddenly had the most serious face Naruto had seen.

_'Maybe it has to do with her past...'_

Naruto opened his mouth to change the subject but was interrupted by the girl.

A large Chesire grin spread across her once serious face.

"Because wifey, you're my bitch."

::::***::::

I fell over laughing at Naruto's face. He had turned all red and was sputtering.

"Calm down, wifey!" I managed between giggles. "I'm not going to rape you or anything like that..."

"G-GOOD!"

"Because I'm just going to ravish you in your sleep..." I whispered.

"W-WHAT?!"

"Hehe, just kidding, bitch."

Naruto sat up on the ground and looked up at me.

"Why are you out here?" He asked.

"Meh, I called the class beyotches."

"Why?"

"Well technically I classify them as dumbasses, but they were irritating me."

"Oh." He said. He scooted back to rest his body on a nearby tree.

"Oh yeah, my name is Naruto, Uzumaki Naruto, dattebayo!"

I pushed off with my feet swinging higher.

"My name's Yamanaka Ino, breathe it, learn it, love it!" I giggled.

"Anyway bitch, now that we're best f-

Naruto looked back at me, his eyes glimmering.

"What the fuck, wifey? You okay?" I asked.

"Y-yeah. It's just that no one's ever been nice to me except Oji-san and Iruka-sensei.."

I grinned at him.

"Well bitch, better get used to it because from now on we're besties!"

"Dattebayo!"

::::***::::

Iruka glanced at the clock before resuming his lessons.

_'Ino and Naruto should be back any minute...I specifically asked her to come back in thirty minutes...'_

Suddenly the door slid open, revealing the two blondes.

Ino looked back at Naruto.

"Okay, wifey. It's either hangout with these fuckers or ditch. Your choice."

"Do you even have to ask?"

"Ok so, plan A?"

"Yeah, you take bottom, I take top, dattebayo!"

Iruka stepped towards them.

"Alright that's enough. Go back to your seats r-"

He was interrupted by the two blondes tackling him, Ino buckling his knees while Naruto jumped his chest. He fell back, taken by suprise.

"YOLO, fuckers!" Ino yelled as she tore past the fallen teacher with Naruto. They tore open the window and took off, leaving an unconcious teacher and panicking students.

Several screams filled the room.

"Call the Nurse!"

"NO, CALL THE HOKAGE!"

::::***::::

I ran through the roads of Konoha with Naruto at my side.

"Ugh...my mom is going to skin me alive-"

"No she won't, dattebayo!"

"..-roast me slowly-..."

"She'll be nice and caring, dattebayo!"

"...and finish me off by slow cooking me, season me, grill the rest and then shish kebab me." We stopped in front of a weapons store.

"What are we doing here?" He asked.

"Ssh, wifey. Do you see that sword?"

"The one on the right?"

"Yesssss. I want that sword so bad along with that katana..."

"So buy it, dattebayo!"

"I CAN'T DUMBASS! I have no money whatsoever and we're only six!"

"Ok, wait until we graduate and then buy it!"

We walked past the weapon store.

"Yeah, in six years..."

Naruto proceeded to drag me into a store.

"Hey, what's the big idea, kitty?"

"ITS ICHIRAKU TIME!"

He pulled me down on a stool before sitting next to me. He called out and a lady appeared next to us.

I mentally squealed. It was Ayame!

Naruto ordered for us while I chatted with her.

Suddenly two hot bowls of steaming ramen were passed under us.

My eyes glazed over. Naruto may be considered a rabid ramen fan, but Hell, I was the ramen queen.

"ITADAKIMASU!" We said together before digging in.

::::***::::

Naruto stared in disbelief at Ino. She was on her fortieth bowl and still not full, and he had stopped at twenty-one.

He dragged her out after ten more towards the academy.

"HEY! I WASN'T DONE!" She screamed, digging her small fingers into the ground.

"YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME POOR, DATTEBAYO!"

Ino suddenly stopped near the academy's training ground.

She sobered up and turned to him.

"Hey wifey, do you hear that?"

"No..."

"Meet up with me at the academy!" She called over her shoulder as she ran off. Naruto shook his head at her weirdness before walking towards the rendezvous point.

::::***::::

I tore through the trees. I swear I heard it. It was a sob, someone was crying.

Hard by the looks of it, and the said person was right in front of me.

It was a girl, probably my age. She was small, wearing a green dress and had...pink hair?!

I couldn't help myself. I shrieked.

IT WAS HARUNO SAKURA.

**LITERALLY THE MOST KICK-ASS GIRL. EVER.**

I squealed and pulled her into a hug.

::::***::::

Sakura sniffed. They were all right.

She would always have the ugliest forehead. The biggest, monstrous head in the whole world.

She would never be like them.

She craned her ears. There was someone coming, and fast.

_'Iruka-sensei said we could leave...unless it's Ami!'_

Sakura quickly stood up.

_'I can't take another beat-down from her!'_

A shriek came from behind her.

Sakura turned around only to be met with a blond girl.

_'Yamanaka Ino? She's the one who knocked out Iruka-sensei! She's gonna kill me if Ami recruited her!'_

Sakura took a step back.

"L-leave me alone!" She managed out.

Ino barely paid attention as she squeezed Sakura in a bear-hug.

"OHMAGAWWD, why are you guys so cute!?" Ino exclaimed. She let Sakura out of her death grip as she took on a serious face.

"Anyway, why were you crying?"

"I wasn't-"

"I know you don't trust me but hey I consider you a best friend now." Ino told her. "You may consider me a creepy-ass freak, but I really wanna be friends. So wha'dya say?"

Sakura looked up at the girl next to her.

_'Ino...should I?'_

**_'Yes! Ino could be a nice friend and she looks fun, cha!' _**her inner added.

Sakura put a hand on Ino's shoulder, her green eyes full of resolve.

"Hey, Ino, my name is Haruno Sakura; and you're my best friend now."

Ino grinned at her new best friend.

"So! Wanna go to the park?"

Sakura smiled at Ino.

"Sure, Ino!"

Ino looked back at Sakura, her blue eyes sparkling with mischeif as they walked.

"I'mma call you forehead."

Sakura glared.

"WELL I'M GONNA CALL YOU INO-PIG!"

"YOU WANNA GO, FOREHEAD?!

The two girls grinned at each other before collapsing on the floor giggling.

"Hey, Ino-chibi?"

"Yeah, 'Kura-chan?"

"I like you."

Ino grinned at the pinkette next to her.

"Well,well 'Kura. Didn't know you swung that way, but of course I'll be your girlfriend!"

"EWW, PIGGY! I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY!"

"Heh. I know, billboard brow. But 'Kura, stand up. I wanna try something."

Sakura stood up relculantly, looking down on her best friend.

Ino's face turned serious as she took on a low male voice. The said girl kneeled down one one knee and grabbed a random rock.

"Haruno Sakura, will you do me the honors of being my hubby slash husband?"

Sakura giggled at her idiotic friend and took on a falsetto voice.

"Of course, darling! Yes! I say yes!"

The two girls fell over laughing before continuing their way towards the park.

"But seriously, forehead. You're mah hubby now."

::::***::::

I brushed my teeth fiercely before jumping into bed. With my luck, Iruka would probably tell my parents tomorrow.

Le sigh. Naruto and I were in soo much trouble.

_'Wait...Naruto. NARUTO! I forgot to meet up with him yesterday!'_

I slapped my forehead. I was such a dumbass sometimes.

I sighed as I turned off the lights and fell asleep.

I would make up with him in the morning.

::::***::::

**_Author's note: Leave a review! Sorry for the last chapter being short! _**

**_The next chapter should be good!_**


	6. Chapter 6

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto/Naruto SHIPPUDEN, its franchise, merchandise or anything associated with it. _**

Chapter 6:

I opened my eyes groggily, slowly brushing off the long bang of blonde hair covering my eye.

Long bangs?

Hol' da fuu~ck up.

Since when did six year old Ino Yamanaka have long bangs? That was when she was a genin; for God's sake.

Unless...

_Unless..._

_**Muddaeffing pancakes with cheese and sprinkles on top...TIMESKIPS EXIST.**_

Screwing logic and all things my brain occasionally used, I ran/stumbled/tripped/mostly crawled while screaming in mental anguish to the distinctive mirror to confirm what was left of my long-gone sanity.

Only to find out my sanity had packed her bags and left.

_'Sanity...you sonoffabitch...'_

I looked back at the mirror, gaping at my new appearance.

I sure as hell was taller, my arms were still stick-ass skinny (thank the Lord above I hadn't gained a couple million pounds overnight like I usually did), my hair was longer...

Again, hol' da fuuuu~ck up.

**Commencing flashback to Naruto Episode...**

Ah hell to the fuckin' no.

I remember why Ino had grown her hair out!

Her crush on Sasuke Fucking Uchiha.

Ok; lemme get this straight. I have no whatsoever bad feelings towards Sasuke.

Nada.

Zilch.

Zero.

Ok, ok so maybe, just maybe I had kind of started hating on him after he **LEFT SAKURA ON A BENCH, TRIED TO KILL MAH WIFEY NARUTO, MANIPULATES MAH BABY JUUGO AND COMES BACK AND HAS THE NERVE TO SAY HE WILL BECOME HOKAGE?!**

**_WELL NOT ON MY WATCH, FUCKER. NATASHA FORESTTS, WORLD-CLASS BITCH SLAYER IS ON THE CASE._**

But, hey! No hard feelings whatsoever. I'll even admit he looked cute when he was a itty-bitty kid and even when he grows up.

No..._goddamn...evil feelings here._

___Insert Copyright _**Natasha & Co. **_**Psycho-OCD-Scream**____Here._

So yeah.

Anyway as I was saying, hair is longer, the poor girl's tits are finally growing, and hold the phone bitch, and grab me a drink... do I spy a fucking kunai?

Oh that rhymed.

How quaint.

But still, I guess no one has discovered the harm and hazard of putting sharp objects anywhere near a 65.7 mile radius of me after the machete incident, but hey, I don't lie if you don't ask.

_No one must know about the machete incident._

_Ever._

I solemnly nodded my head to my mental vow while making my way to the kunai. I held it in my hand, tracing the edge with a slightly insane gleam in my eye.

It was so shiny, and sharp and shiny, and sharp and shiny-

"HANA-CHAAN?! YOUR CLASS AT THE ACADEMY STARTS IN ONE HOUR~~! YOUR FRIENDS ARE WAITING AT THE DOOR!"

I cursed as I watched the kunai fall, only to pierce the palm of my hand before falling and briefly swiping at my knee before it clattered to the ground.

I watched with some sort of sick fascination as the blood pooled slightly before the shitty pain kicked in.

I yelled as I frantically as shook my hand back in forth as the blood sprinkled over my skin.

It sucked balls to be a pain-wuss.

The lady I had identified as my mother. burst in before gaping wildly.

She briefly ran back out to yell something to my supposed "Dad"

before coming back to kneel by me .

The blonde haired man rushed in, quickly cleaning the wounds with achohol.

I clenched my teeth while thinking of all things happy to lower the pain.

_'...unicorns..cupcakes, spoons and popcorn...candy, and cake, lollipops, sugar and Swedish fish~~...toberlone too! '_

He quickly finished, cutting off the end of the white wrap as he stood up.

"Okay...kunai?"

I nodded sheepishly. "Heh, yeah. It was so sharp...hehehe."

Inoichi rolled his eyes. "What's gotten into you, Ino? You're already twelve years old and you cut yourself because you were playing with a kunai?"

I laughed nervously before shoving them both out the door. "I'm gonna change!"

'_Six years?! What the fuck?! How the hell did six years pass in one fucking night?!'_

_'__**Timeskip.' **_

I whirled around, whipping my head so fast I almost got whiplash.

No one was there.

"Erm, hello?"

**_'I'm in your mind, idiot.'_**

_'Well I'm sorry~! I'm mean sure, I'm not exactly mentally stable, but seriously? Don'tcha think voices in my head is a little too cliche?'_

_**'I'm not the one who chose this either, so shut your yap and take it, mortal.'**_

_'...someone's a biiiitch.'_

_**'What did you call me?!'**_

_'...nothing. Anyway, Ino's classes start in like one hour, so let's start the introductions, shall we? My name is Natasha, you may call me Master, and my current mood is hungry. How 'bout you?'_

_**' You may call me Kismét, or Ma'at. I am your current guardian; to make sure you don't corrupt the order of this world, while ensuring you can lead a peaceful new life here.'**_

_'Dafuq? Kismét? Okaaa~y then. Just explain to me what the hell happened last night and I'll leave.'_

_**'Hmm, last night was just to show you what could happen if you just so happen to completely go back to the original plot. You could experience timeskips.'**_

_'Mm-hmm, so basically if I become Yamanaka Ino- the original, I'll go through timeskips. 'Kay then. Wasn't planning to become a clone anyway.'_

I briefly braided the blonde hair before making my way over to the closet.

'_Well bai Kiki!'_

_**'...'**_

_'...rude bitch.'_

_**'Excuse me?'**_

_'Bai!'_

_**'...goodbye mortal-being.'**_

_'Master!'_

_**'..Natasha.'**_

I opened the door only to be attacked by a outfit falling on me.

I glanced at the outfit in front of me. It looked like the genin outfit Ino had. Which I had nothing against, but hey, comfort over style, dumbasses!

I slipped on a simple black tank I had found way-y in the back, plaid pajama pants I had snagged from a laundry basket idling in the hallway, nin sandals, and pocketed the stupid kunai.

'_For fuck's sake...he wrapped up my entire arm...'_

I ran down the stairs, stopping briefly to grab mah beloved bagel and a glass of juice I and ran through the door, yelling goodbye over my shoulder.

Only to be met with the most horrid image ever.

Bitches at three o'clock.

:::{**}:::

Naruto walked past the Yamanaka Flower Shop, idling for a bit. He knew that once again, Ino would come out, join her friends at the door gate, see him, and join them to make fun of him before walking to the Academy to ogle at Sasuke-teme before class started.

Just like every other day.

But he still remembered the first day they met and the weird, hyper and insane Yamanaka Ino, who had dubbed him her wife and best friend and had helped him smile after he was crying.

But she was gone.

He walked passed the shop ignoring Ami and her friends as they all waited for Ino to come out before running towards the Academy.

Kasumi scoffed at him before joining her friends back at the gate. "Ugh, she's late!" Ami shrieked.

The door creaked...

Before slamming open. A girl came running out before stopping abruptly.

"Ino?" Ami called out. The girl turned around giving them a view of her face. Sure she looked just like Ino, but with different clothes, a wrapped up arm and a gleam in her eyes. The girl's blue eyes narrowed as she took in Ami and the rest of the girls.

Speaking in a weird accent the girl pointed at the group while stuffing her face with a rather large bagel

"Who are you guys?"

Ami glared. "We're going to be late! Ugh, and that deadlast Naruto is going to be here any minute...com'on, Sasu-kun is going to be there any minute! Oh and change out of those weird clothes, you're looking ug- MMMmphfff-"

She was cut off from her blabber by a hand grabbing her by the cuff of her collar and lifting her up. She looked down only to be met with glaring blue eyes. "Look lady, I honestly don't give one shit about your opinions, but if you think you can call Naruto a deadlast and get away with it, you're wrong. Get the bloody fuck offa my property and go back to hell." Ino growled out before shoving off the rest of the girls.

She stuffed the rest of the bagel in her mouth before running towards the academy.

_'...bitch slayer. I'm a fucking bitch-slayer.'_

:::{**}:::

Sakura stepped into the classroom, her green eyes searching the various desks for a certain someone.

She blushed furiously when he met her gaze briefly and quietly made her way to his seating area.

'_Sasuke-kun is so cool!'_

_**'Cha! Plus, Pig and the rest aren't here yet so we can have him all to ourselves!'**_

_'Shannaro! Ino used to be so awesome though...'_

**_'For like one day. Now Piggy is our rival and we can't let her win Sasuke-kun!'_**

Sakura stumbled as more and more kids entered the classroom and watched with disappointment as another one of Sasuke's fangirls took the seat next to him.

'_Ugh, I swear next time I'll get that seat!'_

She swore and jumped as a hand grabbed her shoulder roughly.

"Hey big-head, you know what happened to Ino?" Ami asked.

Sakura felt everyone's head swivel around to watch the verbal war.

'**_Sasuke-kun is probably watching, we gotta do this right!'_**

"No I don't. Don't call me big-head either, idiot!"

Several gasps were collected at this comment and Sakura felt herself fight the stupid grin that was growing on her face.

She turned back to the flamed girl and watched twin auburn eyes glare at her before the owner took a step forward.

"What did you call me?"

"An Idiot, idiot."

"At least I have friends and _ninja family_, you big forehead! Your dad doesn't even know jutsus!"

"Please tell me I just hallucinated that bitch insulting my bae, or heads gonna be rolling and some serious shit 'boutta go down." came an accented-voice from the door.

_'What the...'_

Sakura turned only to see...Yamanaka Ino defending her?

'_...I haven't heard her speak like that since that day..'_

:::{**}:::

I stomped up to the Ami-bitch sizing her up. She was about the same size, a fat-ass smirk on her face.

Hell to the no am I going to let anyone insult my bae.

So I bitched-slapped her. The most-efficient way to silence and temporarily stun a bitch, before staking them and burning their soul.

It would've worked, if it wasn't for the totally fake dramatic screaming that she produced, shrieking like a pregnant cow making deer mating calls and the fact that Iruka-sensei had just stepped in the class room.

"YAMANAKA INO! WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?!"

"For my innocent ears sake, can you please tell her to stop screaming like a pregnant cow, Iruka-sensei?"

"INO! Hokage's office. NOW." He said, totally ignoring the fact that Ami had gotten up, the tears evaporated, and was baring her ugly-ass teeth at me.

I shrugged. "Bitch had it coming."

:::{**}:::

Sarutobi Hiruzen was a busy man. He had the title of Current Hokage, which meant piles of paperwork, which naturally; made him a busy man.

It was a fact known throughout the village, so usually common problems were solved by ANBU officers, or any sort of justice persona out there.

That afternoon, when Sarutobi Hiruzen got a knock on his door, naturally; he assumed it was a mission report, or an ANBU reporting back about the border problem.

So when Umino Iruka, one of the Academy teachers and a small girl shuffled in through the door, he was mildly shocked.

Mildly.

He raised his eyebrows at the smug look on the girls face and noted her clothes before taking a breath of his pipe.

"Well, Iruka? Unless you're volunteering to do some of these piles, I've got some paper work to attend to..."

Iruka bowed.

"Hokage-sama, sorry to bother you, but Ino-san has been...rather disruptive this morning and even went as far as slapping a fellow student and then insulting the injured girl."

Hiruzen set down his pipe and got closer to the young girl.

"Well, Ino? Anything from your side?"

"Hey, geezer? You can get lung cancer from smoking, and you're not looking so young anymore..." She spoke.

Iruka jumped up. "INO! HAVE RESPECT FOR HOKAGE-SAMA!"

"Yeah, yeah, if you love him as much as you say; you would try to prevent him from dying too. Maybe you guys just want him to die, ne Iruka-sensei?"

"INO!"

Hiruzen chuckled at the audacity of the young girl. _'Just like Naruto...'_

"Well, Ino-san, I'll let you of the hook if you do a favor for me...?"

"Okay, but don't say it like that, old man. You sound like a pimp, no offense."

Silence filled the room.

Iruka looked down horrified at the fact she was his student.

A chuckle came from the Hokage, followed by a hearty laugh that filled the room. "Ino-san I didn't mean to terrify you in any way, but listen to my offer. You see over my grandson for the rest of the day, and I won't give you too much of a harsh punishment. Deal?"

_'And it'll get him out of my hair so I can finally finish this blasted paperwork.'_

Ino grumbled. "Fiiiiiiii-ne."

"Glad you agree. Meet Konohamaru at Training Ground 13, at noon."

'_All I fucking did was defend Sakura. If it wasn't me, Sakura would'a slapped that bitch back, damnit!'_

_**'Calm down. Meet Konohamaru, and you might do something else you will enjoy.'**_

_'...you make me sound like a pedophile.'_

:::{**}:::

I looked at the kid in front of me. Small, brunette, long-ass scarf, yellow shirt and a helmet.

Sarutobi Konohamaru, The Hokage's grandson, and most respected kid in the village.

Also known as the most annoying brat I've ever been tasked too.

"HEY! DON'T CALL ME A BRAT!"

"Why shouldn't I, brat? You can't even throw a goddamn _wooden _kunai, and you want to be a ninja."

Fortunately for me, my subconscious had absorbed all the knowledge I had missed in my six-year beauty sleep, and now I was proud to say that I could now throw pointy things, and dodge and twist like a fucking acrobat.

I was badass.

I was going to make Ino the most badass ninja out here, courtesy of training my/her ass everday.

Double S-classed nin is where this girl is heading.

"I will become a ninja! I won't ever give up, it's my nindo way!"

I kneeled down to get eye-to-eye level with him. "Yeah, and I'm part mermaid. Listen brat, if you want me to acknowledge you as a strong person, throw a _motherfucking wooden _kunai. Then we can talk."

I watched as he failed countless times and soon dozed off under the tree.

:::{**}:::

"HEY BOSS!"

I woke up immediately, effectively slapping the person who had woke me up.

"ITAAAIII~!"

"...the fuck, Konohamaru? You don't wake people up like that! You kindly let them sleep till they wake up naturally!"

"LOOK AT THE TARGET!"

I groaned looking at the target. Apart from the million and one kunais littering the ground, one lone wooden kunai had made the mark, standing precisely deep enough to be able to harm a human.

Perfect.

"Che, one kunai. I acknowledge you as a low-ranked brat now."

"NANI?! You said if I hit the mark you'd say I was a strong person!"

"Fine. I acknowledge Sarutobi Konohamaru, as a _strong..._pain in the ass."

I fell over laughing as he tripped over his own scarf, trying to throw a kunai at me.

"Ahem."

We both turned around, only to be met with a weird looking man with bite-sized goggles.

Konohamaru groaned audibly.

_'Eh, who is this guy? He looks like Shino but his name is Ebudu, Ebu, Eni?'_

"Um, is your name Eni by any chance?"

The man looked shocked but quickly recovered and I almost burst out laughing as he bowed to Konohamaru.

"_Ebisu! _My name is Ebisu!" He hissed.

"Wait, so should I say Ebisu, or should I add a exclamation point and say Ebisu!...?"

The man sputtered. "Just Ebisu. Now what did you say to Omago-sama?!"

"...who the fuck is Omago?"

He grabbed Konohamaru and glared at me. "Show respect for Omago-sama, the Third's grandson!"

"Look Eni, or whatever-the-hell-your-name-was, I don't give a shiiiiiiiiiiii-it if Ko-chan is the queen of the world, he still is a brat. Like, major-pain-in-my-gorgeous-ass-brat."

"ITS EBISU!"

"Yeah, yeah, don't get your panties twisted. See ya tomorrow, Ko-gaki!"

Konohamaru waved before getting pulled away by Eni.

"BYE BOSS! I'LL SEE YOU AFTER YOUR GRADUATIONS TOMORROW!"

I collapsed onto the floor. It was already half past six. I had only three hours to get ready for tests, and I didn't even know if I had chakra.

Fuck my death.

:::{**}:::

**_Author's note: Sorry for the long wait. *Passes around imaginary red velvet cupcakes* Leave a review!_**


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